A Hard Goodbye
by Kirinthor
Summary: After being cursed by Loki, Issei comes to a hard decision. (May continue if people want it continued)
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own Highschool DXD or anything related to it._

 **A.N. This will be my first attempt at a Highschool DXD Fan Fic. It will probably start as a One-Shot, but depends on whether people want it to be continued as it will be left open a bit. It's main purpose it to portray Issei's feelings after he is cursed by Loki (in the anime) as the curse will rapidly take hold of him and force him to reflect on his current life. (He will be OOC and will be less perverted as this will be an eye opener for him).**

 **P.S. I am terrible with Japanese so I will be using English terms e.g. Rias will be Pres.**

 _[Thoughts]_

 **[Draigg]**

[Speech]

Feelings of Anguish

 _Issei's POV_

 _It has been less than a week since we returned from defeating Loki in the underworld. The curse he placed upon me begun as a dull ache in my chest, but has now rapidly grown to really hurt me. I am sure Pres has realised something is up by now as I have been waking early from sleeping and have been much quieter in meetings and discussions with the club. If this keeps up I don't know what to …..."_

"Hello Issei? …... Earth to Issei." shouted Pres in a rather concerned tone.

"Sorry what did you ask Pres? I laughed half heartedly to her question " _I am sure she must know something is up_ ".

She was looking at me rather intently, almost like she was studying me for problems. If this is how I look at girls then I genuinely feel sorry for them. Man my actions can be quite bad most of the time.

"I said my brother will be coming to stay for the night as he has some business to attend to and wishes to speak to you!" she replied smiling in my direction.

 _I tried to smile back but the smile just couldn't reach my eyes. But if Sirzech is coming I can speak to him about this and get his opinion. As much as I love the club and the girls I don't wish to concern them with my problems, they have so much more to worry about than me, after all I am a lowly pawn... [_ **Don't think like that** _]. "Oh hey Draigg" I replied. [_ **Listen partner... you need to tell them, they can help you** _]. "I know they probably can, but they have much to sort out, this will only get in the way of more important things." [That may be true but they are your frineds and care for you greatly Partner]. I will be speak to Pres' brother and see what he thinks tomorrow._

Just as I had begun to think about what to say to Sirzech a great pain begun to pierce my heart. I had to just sit there and ride it out hoping that no one saw me.

"Hey Pres" I tried to say through somewhat gritted teeth. "I am heading back as I am tired, I will see you all later."

 _Standing up I quickly headed towards the door before anyone could reply. And walked home as fast as I could, saying hello to my parents and heading straight to bed. Sticking a Do not disturb sign on my door (in other words I wish to be left alone)._

 _Rias' POV_

 _Issei has been acting really weird since we came back from our battle with Loki. He is always up and about before us and goes to bed after us, some nights I don't think he even sleeps in his room._

"...See you all later _" Hmm? Oh damn, he just left and I wasn't even paying attention_

"Oh well, lets wrap this meeting up then shall we _" I declared wanting to get home to my adorable pawn._

 _On the way home I began thinking about how he had been acting, I know I love him... but does he love me? He seems so distant after everything that has happened so far, even the others can't seem to really get much out of him these days._

"Akeno _" I said getting her attention. "_ Do you think Issei is ok? He has not been himself lately and I am beginning to worry _!" I told her in rather despondent tone._

"I am not sure Rias... but he has been very quiet lately and rather unresponsive to my advances which is very unlike him." a frown now upon her face.

"Well when we get back I will talk to him and demand he give me an answer!."

 _With a renewed confidence I headed home with the others, hoping to gain some answers, upon arriving home though my worry rose ten fold... A do not disturb sign was hanging from his door, since when has Issei ever slept alone since we met. "_ Issei _?" I enquired knocking on his door. Upon hearing no response I tried to open the door, only to find that he had locked it. "_ Issie it's me. Can I come in?... Please? I need to speak to you _." Getting no response I sighed and headed down stairs to see what everyone else was doing._

 _Had I forcefully entered I would have found Issei collapsed in a small pool of blood not far from the door. The day after would be a day I would never forget. The Day Issei left us._

Evening the next day.

"Hello Brother, Good to see you made it" I smiled at him and nodded at Grayfia.

"Of course I made it, how is everyone?" He enquired looking over the group. "Oh ….. Where is Issei? I was hoping to speak to him before I went to sleep. It is rather late and I wish to retire fairly soon" he laughed.

Everyone seemed unsure how to answer that question as no one had seen Issei all day, everyone had tried to get him to come out of his room, but they all got the same lack of response Rias did the night before. A thick cloud of worry could easily be sensed among the group of people, With both Asia and Rias' eyes clearly showing a level of sadness and worry. A door opening and closing however alerted the group of people that Issei was now up and about. However the bang and sound of something hitting the floor rather harshly made Rias and Asia run out into the hallway to see a rather dishevelled and very tired looking Issei on the floor.

"Oww. Sorry about that." Issei said laughing half heartedly. "I wasn't looking where I was going haha."

"Issei are you Ok ..." enquired Asia, but before she could finish Issei started talking to Sirzech.

"Good evening Sirzech, I am glad you are here, I was wondering if we could talk privately, If you would like I can have the futon out for you as well so you can lay down while we talk? I know how much you enjoyed it last time. _At least this way the girls will leave me along thought Issei_.

"Excellent idea, Grayfia, Sister and company I will retire now, see you all later." Sirzech replied tiredly while heading upstairs.

"Goodnight guys." waved Issei heading up after him.

Downstairs

"Great, another night sleeping without my favourite pillow." bellowed an angry Rias.

Asia was close to tears and Akeno seemed rather deep in thought sitting in the living room. The atmosphere was very down still as they were still unsure what was going on in Issei's head. This was the third night in a row now he had effectively dismissed them all so he could be alone, and it was really beginning to upset the group of girls since they all wanted a piece of Issei.

"Well we should all head to bed as well I guess, come on people, tomorrow I am going to kick his door and jump on him if I have to until he tells me what is up with him." decided a very adamant Rias.

"Yes Pres that sounds like great idea, I might just have to jump on my Issei." laughed Akeno hoping to get a reaction out of Rias after calling Issei, her Issei. She was to be disappointed however as she just nodded and headed up to bed looking very down.

Issei's Room/POV

 _After heading up into my room I locked the door and sighed, this was going to be a long night, and I was still unsure what to do._

"You needn't lock the door Issei" Laughed Sirzech, "I doubt they would come in at this hour with me here."

I turned to him to see him laughing, however he stopped upon seeing the torn and painful look I held. "Are you ok my boy?"

 _I was clearly not, but out of politeness I think he wanted to see if I would tell him what was up with me_. "listen Sirzech I want to tell you something and I want you opinion on the matter, although I must warn you, I think I have already made my decision." _I watched him nod his head me wanting me to continue_. "After we defeated Loki, he cursed me. His exact words were you will die a lonely and painful death. I thought he was just joking at first, but the next day I began to feel a pain in my chest, the pain got worse and worse, to the point I have been coughing up blood, the pain... it gets worse as the day go on. I have not told the others as I do not know what to say to them. Sirzech... I believe I am dieing, and I don't think I will last the week at the rate this is happening" _I cried, with tears beginning to form in my eyes_.

Sirzech seemed deep in thought, a look of shock and then deep sorrow was clearly seen on his face, towards me. "I honestly do not know what to say, curses are a very strong form of magic, in fact the only person I could recommend speaking to is Tannin or Ophis. Tannin would be easier as we o know where he is at least. But what was the decision you said you had come too?" He hesitantly asked.

T _aking a deep breath I looked him in the eye and said it, this was a decision I came too after a lot of thinking. Something that I truly believed would be better for everyone involved with me_. " I wish to leave Rias' peerage." T _here is said it, unable to look him in the eye I waited for his response_.

"You do realise the only way you could do that is if you returned the devil pieces that are within you! But that would kill you in the end, not right away, but eventually it would as they are essentially keeping you alive at the moment as you still do not possess enough demonic energy to be your own person." He replied with a serious tone, hoping to dissuade me.

I had already thought about that, taking a moment I said. "As far as I see it I am dieing anyway, at least this way the girls do not have to see me die and Pres can look for a new pawn to join her peerage." _It also means she can't summon me back if I leave_. "I do not wish to leave, it tears my heart out thinking I may never see them again as I do truly love them all. But this way I may try and find a cure myself and they can deal with the khaos brigade. I am afterall only a pawn, there is a much bigger picture to look at than merely searching for a way to save me." I replied strongly, hoping that he would accept my argument.

"Listen Issei, let us sleep on it and discuss it further in the morning, we are both very tired and this way we can think clearly upon this in the morning." smiled Sirzech.

"Ok, but if I do leave I want to ask one last request of you, I know you have done much for me and I am truly thankful for everything." I said to him, hoping he would at least honor my final request.

"Sure"

"I have written a letter to each member of the club, I want you to hand them out should anything happen to me, also...i want you to return the pawn pieces within me. I only trust you with this task." _There really is no one else I could entrust such a task with, I know you do not want me to leave, but I think you know this is the only way this could happen_.

After seeing him nod at me we both fall asleep, little did he know this would probably be the last time he sees me ever again.

The next morning

After a rather restless night everyone was sitting in the living room waiting for Sirzech and Issei to appear so they could discuss what was going on and what to do next. The first to appear was a tired looking Sirzech, no sign of Issei.

Rias POV

 _What I terrible sleep I had again, I wish I was with Issei, but brother would not have approved that and he wanted to speak to Issei alone anyway. Speaking of him, here he comes_. "Good morning brother, did you sleep well?" I happily enquired. " Although I wonder where my adorable little pawn is, he certainly has been sleeping a lot these past few days." I laughed. _My laugh fell rather short though when I saw the look upon my brothers face, a look that I would never forget, a look that screamed you should sit down and listen_.

"Everyone, I have some news you need to hear, please sit down." looking deep in thought, Sirzech continued after everyone had taken a seat. "I had a very long chat with Issei last night. And seeing as he isn't down here and you all seemed to be waiting for him, I have some sad news."

 _He now had my full attention, what do you mean since Issei is not here? He was with you last I felt like screaming. It was then that I noticed the folder in his hand, a folder that had Issei's handwriting on the front of it and looked like it contained a number of items._

"This folder contains something that Issei wished to return to you my dear sister."

 _Opening the folder I felt my heart beat quicken, hoping it was just a joke, however once I saw what he held in his hands, I knew what he was going to say, for in his hand he held eight red pawn pieces. I could hear the outcries of my peerage and the demands of answers as to why Issei was not present yet his devil pieces were._

"After the battle with Loki something happened to him, he said he was cursed..."

 _I knew he was cursed, damn it I knew it and I did nothing. My poor little adorable pawn, you suffered and I did nothing._

"He had begun to feel chest pains, pains that grew in intensity each day. He began..."

 _Why Issei, why did you not come to me with this problem. I saw you grow more and more distant as the days went on after our battle. My dear pawn, I must find you, I will find you._

"His wishes were that I give each of you this letter and tell you that he was sorry... and that he wishes that you do not try and find him."

"What do you mean, not try and find him? Of course I will look for him." I screamed. _How could Issei even ask that we not look for him, he is a member of my family, my peerage, my heart, I would never even consider not looking for him._

"Listen sister, there are much bigger issues at stake here, the Khaos Brigade is on the move, the vanishing dragon has taken Fafnir and we do not know where they will strike next." Sirzech tried to reason with me. "Look read the letters he left each of you and then decide, but know this, he was only your pawn sister, and as such was expendable" Shouted Sirzech. "It may sound harsh but that is the truth, and his wishes were that you get on with your lives and continue the war without him."

"Fine" _I shouted rising from my seat, snatching my letter from him and running up the stairs to Issei's room, if I am going to read this then I need to be alone and see what he says. Upon entering his room I looked around and thought of him. Sitting on his bed... our bed I took a breath of his scent, a smell I always loved, a smell that always made me weak and longing for him. Sitting up on his pillows I hesitantly opened the letter..._

 **Dear Pres**

 **If you are reading this then I am gone. I am sorry for leaving but in my heart I am still a coward, I will always be a coward. In the end I could only say goodbye through this letter and not to your face. Remember the first day we saw reach other? I still remember it like it was yesterday... The way the wind blew your beautiful crimson red hair lightly. The way your heavenly smile radiated like the sun and looked at me. The way your eyes held such love when you saw me. I will never forget that day. Nor will I ever regret the day I became a devil. As I got to meet you. I finally got to meet the girl I fell in …... love with.**

 **I am sorry I could never say it to you. I was too afraid of rejection. The perverted side of me was a farce to hide my true sorrow towards life. A life I had not really lived until the day I met you and became a devil. The day I began to love my life, the day I truly began to love you, with all my heart.**

 **My promise to you after rescuing you from Raiser still stands, I swore I would give my life for your happiness and in the end I feel that is what I am doing by allowing you to not see me in what may very well be my final days on this earth. I do not wish to see you cry again, I could not handle it again, after seeing you cry for me that time after we lost to Raiser I knew I would never be able to leave if I saw it.**

 **Listen, and listen well me dearest Rias, I know you wish to search for me. But please do not, your brother was right you know. There are more important things to do. Many more important things to do than search for a lowly pawn like me.**

 **If I find a cure I will return to you, if I do not then please find another person to take my palce and be your adorable little pawn.**

 **I will Love you with all my heart till my last breath leaves me.**

 **Issei**

 _I could not keep the tears from flowing. He loved me, as much as I loved him, but why? Why were you too afraid to tell me? Why did you leave me like this, I need to know. You even called me Rias. Something I have longed for you to say, something I will never truly hear from your lips._

 _A knock at the door alerted me to the fact someone wished to enter Issei's room...our room._

"Rias, are you in here?" Asked a clearly upset Akeno.

 _I wished to be left alone, but out of everyone, she loved him as much as I did, she must have been feeling just as sad as me. And Asia, poor Asia, she must be devastated. "_ Yes _" I hesitantly replied, watching as a tear stricken Akeno and an equally upset Asia entered the room, each holding there own letter. I watched as they both came and sat next to me on our bed and waited for them to talk. After what felt like an eternity Akeno was the first to speak._

"He said he loved me, he even told me why he was unable to say why he loved us." cried Akeno

 _Now that was different, he never said to me why he was always unable to say he loved us. Maybe the letters have clues as to where he went. "_ Akeno _" I asked, with a small degree of hope rising within me "_ May I read your letter _?." Her expression was one that screamed no, that it was something between the two of them, something precious that she would always keep with her and let no one else see or ever hear. "_ please _" I begged, "_ it may help us find where he went _" I told her._

"Ok then, if you think it will help, but only if I can read yours _!" she tried to say it jokingly with her sadistic humour but I could tell it was not really a heartfelt joke, but I allowed her to have a look, to try and encourage her spirits at least._

 _Taking a deep breath, something I had found myself doing a lot recently, I tried to steel my heart and read what my dear Issei had written for Akeno. Someone I knew he held in his heart as much as he did me._

 **Dear Akeno**

 **If you are reading this, then I am gone. I have wanted to say many things to you, but I guess now I will never have time to do so. Oh there was many things I wanted to see with you and do with you. If guess I should tell you that my perverted side was a front. Although with you I did actually enjoy some of it lol. But I digress, It was a front because I was scared, scared of myself and what others would have thought of me. My first ever date ended in my death. An event that no matter how hard I tried, I could never forget. But I want you to know that I have never regretted my life as a devil. It was because of this that I got to meet such great friends. And fall in love. Yes I do love you, and I do love Rias, it is something that I will keep with me for the rest of my days.**

 **Do you remember when we first met? It was during the winter of the previous year, it wasn't exactly a special day, but in my heart it will always be remembered as the day I saw you and fell in love. You had fallen over and dropped your books, everyone seemed to busy to notice but I helped you up and handed your books to you. I will never forget your beautiful purple yes, nor your long black hair. I remember you smiled at me and then walked off. It was that day I wanted to know more about you, and after joining the occult club my wish was granted.**

 **Your heritage, it is something that is you and will always be a part of you, I love you for you, whether you are devil, a fallen angel or both. My feelings will never change. The coming days will be hard for everyone, especially Pres. So I want you to keep her spirits up and destroy the Khaos Brigade. I don not know if I will ever be able to return to you, but know this. If I do not I will always love you. After talking to Sirzech, I know where I must go, so do not worry. We will meet again, whether in this life or the next.**

 **I Love You**

 **Issei.**

 _I always knew he loved Akeno, but I did not realise how much. Urgh I will need to reaffirm my power as his master over her I laughed. Only to remember that he was no longer my servant. Where did you Go Issei?_

The room fell deathly quiet after that, all that could be heard was the occasional tearful sob from on eof the three girls now huddled on the last remaining thing they felt would keep them close to their love.

"Wait" I cried standing up. "Issei said he spoke to my brother about what he was planning on doing. We should ask him what they spoke about."

With a feeling of renewed hope I ran downstairs to demand answers from my brother, about where Issei had gone and what his plans were. Wait for me Issei I have not forgotten you, I can never forget you.

" _We will find our love" All three screamed._

 _A.N. Well what do you guys think? After watching the anime I came up with this idea. I am unsure whether to take it further! I would like to but it depends on whether people want me too._

 _Please leave a review if you liked it etc. Thanks._


	2. Author's Note

I Will Continue

Just wanted to say sorry for the wait, I will continue, I have just been thinking how I want the story to develop as I don't really want to wing it chapter by chapter lol.

In regards to the romance I may add irina as I like her and the fact she was a childhood friend of issei, I will not add ophis or koneko as they both look like they are about 10-12 years old. I like xenovia as I find her funny but not romantically towards issei, Asia is lovely but she strikes me as issei's unofficial little sister. Kuroka is hot but no, as I don't particularly see much chemstry wise between her and issei. I may add Rossweise but that's cause I have an anime crush on her lol.

But my favourite two are Akeno and Rias. Rias because she is Issei's master and has massive chemistry towards Issei and Akeno because she has a fair amount of chemistry as well.

Must admit as well I loved the Juggernaut drive episode DXD just had, think I prefered how they resolved it in the anime over the manga, because as much as I like comedy, I don't want DXD to be full of it as it does have quite a good plot and can be quite serious. And since Issei went mad thinking Asia was dead I would have been annoyed if touchong Rias' chest was all it took to placate him.

Also I will not resolve the curse like they did as I thought that was actually quite naff. Effectively was hey Ophis their's something in him …... ok I will take it then

So yeah keep an eye out, I will have it posted end of the month latest as I am back to work now.

P.S. If you want someone added please just ask me along with an explanation, but as I said no koneko or ophis as that is just plain creepy.


End file.
